I have never shared my wins. I have never posted a photo of my daughter’s father—not here, not even on my personal account. I have never taken a picture of my meal at a nice restaurant. You know how people snap a photo before they eat? I don’t do that.
But I have shared myself in a matatu, wearing gumboots. I have shared about commuting to upcountry and back. I have complained about matatus with no legroom, about getting home late after long days in town. When I lived near church, I used to walk instead of driving.
I have shared about struggling to pay for car insurance. I have shared about the real struggles we go through—the ones most people would rather hide. I remember traveling to Kitui by matatu, and in the middle of the journey, the matatu started smoking. We had to stand on the roadside along Mombasa Road for three hours, waiting for a replacement. It could have been embarrassing, but for us, it became an adventure. And yes, I had my daughter with me. Sometimes, she looks at me in confusion, but she’s learning that life doesn’t always go as planned.
So what do you do when things fall apart? You tell God to mold you back again.
He is the Master Potter. He will undo you, redo you, shape you into exactly who He created you to be. And in those moments of brokenness, you hold on. You trust that He is still in control. That He will never leave you, never abandon you. And He won’t abandon me either.
There are so many happy moments I have never shared—and I won’t. Because I don’t see how sharing those things would help anyone. But I have shared about my lowest moments. I have shared about depression, therapy, DV, the times I had no money, the night my daughter had an allergic reaction, and how I—alongside my nanny and my mentor—searched desperately for an allergy expert. I have shared the heartbreak of losing my grandma. I have shared how my relationship with my dad changed after losing my mum. I have shared my struggles with nannies.
I share my lows because I know they encourage someone. They give hope. They remind you that if I have made it through, then so can you. Whatever battle you are facing, God will see you through, just as He continues to see me through.
But yesterday, something small but nice happened. I don’t own any jeans, so I ordered a pair, and they arrived. I was excited to wear jeans again after two or three years. I also went for lunch with my friend Pauline because she was feeling a little down.
And that’s why I share my journey. Because if I made it through, then so can you.
I have been very depressed for many years, so when you see me happy, just be happy with me.
Thank you, and goodbye. I won’t be here again until tomorrow.
Adios, amigos.